SEND FOR THE THERAPIST FIDO.

There comes a time in the life of man, when having scanned the newspapers and digested the latest inanities of Hollywood royalty, that preening, prancing troupe of marginally talented individuals who are convinced they have the solution to all the problems of the world and wear their hearts on their sleeves while their brains are in their arse, supposing that is that they possess any in the first place, and digested the latest offering of tripe on the TV before throwing a brick at the contraption. Having done all that one is tempted to utter the immortal epithet, “Now I’ve seen it all”. Believe me dear ones, you ain’t seen nothing yet, there is more and dafter to come.

Everyone knows the Brits are barmy over their animals, especially the family canine, so am I, come to that, in fact I even make pets of the mice in my house, but I draw the line at this, leaving a bit of cheese out for Mickey is both sane and rational in comparison to what our dog lovers are up to, you couldn’t make it up, believe me, I know what I am talking about, I am a dab hand at making things up. Not here you understand, this is as kosher as a pork butchers in Golders Green.

The nub of the issue is that some people feel their pets are picking up conditions of medical significance from their owners, including obsessive compulsive disorder. I would not recognise such a disability in a human, let alone a dog, but then I am a normal cove living in Whitechapel, not some cerebrally spayed prat from places like Hampstead where loony middle class types are germinated prior to them being let loose on the generality of the population.

So, there you are, sitting in your leafy suburb, insulated from the realities of life and with nothing to do having just demonstrated with that Socialist Luvvie, Emma Thompson, against the opening of a branch of Tesco. After all you can not have anything as common as Tesco in Hampstead, just think, allow that to happen and the next thing you know, the working classes will be turning up to shop there. After all empathising with the lower orders is one thing but lining up with the buggers to buy a bag of spuds is another kettle of fish altogether, they might start praising Brexit. So, what does one do to fill the void in your life? Simple, send the family mutt to the head shrink.

You are not in need of specs, what I have just mentioned is the current craze amongst they who dwell amongst the dope sniffers of North London and regard the realities of life as a vulgar intrusion on a par to earning money as opposed to inheriting it. Now, let us get down to the Winalot. There is a strand of humanity which feels we transmit to our canine friends our own depressing obsessions, such as the afore mentioned obsessive compulsive order, so, what is there to do? Get a psychiatrist of course, what else would one do under such circumstances? Well you could always chuck the mutt a bone, but, bear in mind we are talking Hampstead here where a dose of piles is enough to send one scarpering to the shrink let alone a mutt who is going doolally. From whence came this nonsense? Answer, Paw Squad, an outfit headed up by a dame known as Sarah Page-Jones. There you have it folks, a hyphen.

If one is going to talk shite while expecting to be heeded then one has to be in possession of a hyphen which is the indelible mark of a senior member of the socialist tendency, a fraternity which insists on a good pedigree and no brains, prime qualifications for preaching to the lower orders who can be relied on not to argue with a hyphen. What is wrong with these bloody women? Can they not be satisfied with turning their three year old sons into girls, must they now start on the defenceless family dog. What has poor Fido done to deserve this? Being hectored by a shrink too idle to earn an honest crust, and talked to as if he was as daft as his owner. Stand up for your rights Fido, bite the sods, they’ll probably have you put down but I rather think that would be preferable to being marched off to a shrink every time you throw a wobbler.