Wednesday, 7 October 2015


The public has been advised by the higher authorities of the Police Force, oops, dropped one there, the Police Service, that burglaries will not automatically be dealt with. Quite understandable, as Jeremy Corbin would undoubtedly assure us, with hand on heart and his eyes on our wallets, all property is theft. Therefore you have no business complaining if someone has stolen your property as you will have pinched it from somebody else in the first place. Q.E.D. The cops are running short of dosh and Chief Constables up and down the land are rushing out scare stories in order to persuade the Government to ante up a little more of the folding stuff. Nothing wrong with that except that it highlights the inescapable fact that you do not have to be a moron the rise in the Police Force, sorry, Service, but by God it certainly helps. Here are a few nuggets too illustrate my point. The boys in blue have recently been chasing around Scotland in search of three school kids seen dressed up as gollywogs, now that is a seriously serious crime, puts burglary in the shade, chasing gollywogs is what the police are for. Do not think things will not get worse, they will. Recently in Chorley Lancashire, the plod have been investigating a group of men for dressing up as pantomime dames in aid of a charity, this has offended the transgender community, not that I would imagine there are many cock deniers in Chorley, but this was a hate crime and merits serious attention. Burglary? Don’t make me laugh. The College of Policing has suggested, no, I have not heard of them either, but this august body is advising the police to solicit help from witches and psychics in the solving of crimes. The cops, having misplaced their gonads are to be encouraged to utilise the crystal balls of the nations Mystic Megs. So lads, before you commit a crime, nip ‘round to Megs, pinch her balls and make your getaway on her broom stick. They’ll never catch yer, and tickle her tits while you are at it. The next lunacy to make the light of day, was a warning that the Constabulary might have to utilise public transport to arrive at a crime scene. I can see it all now. COPS. Brick Lane Police Station. Sargeant Wilkes speaking. VICTIM. Sargeant, come quick, somebody’s murdered me ‘usband and buggered the budgie. COPS. Oh, I am sorry to hear that luv, but the buses is on strike. Shove ‘im somewhere cold and I’ll be round when they are back on the road. Daft? Yes. Improbable? Don’t you believe it. The Met has been given twenty million big ones to advise on the elimination of corruption in third world countries. That’s the ticket, forget burglary, this is serious policing, vital to the security of the Nation, lecturing the wogs on the iniquity of taking a bung. They will not take a blind bit of notice of course, but at the end of the day, this is what we pay our taxes for, so quit carping about friggin burglars getting off scot free.

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