THE BASTARDS OF BASTION.

It seems there has been a rumble in the jungle down Afghanistan way, it’s the female British troops, they’ve been dropping bastards like they was bombs, they are everywhere you look, just like Kate Middleton’s tits. Now I have to admit that only one “soldier” has fessed up to being up the duff, the authorities do not want to be gender specific but you can bet your last jock strap that there are others waiting in the wings, eager to discharge their duty. Notice that the term used by the Ministry when making the announcement, was soldier, must not be sexist must we, but with all respect to the haemorrhoids of political correctness, unless they have been putting something exceptional in the tea down there, it was not a bloody man, I mean to say, it’s bad enough trying to swallow the virgin birth, but a squaddie having a C section? Give us a break. Of course the only people to be surprised at any of this are the daft bastards who decreed that members of the opposite sex should be sequestered together in remote locations lacking the distractions of soap operas and Saturday football, nature might abhor a vacuum but it don’t half love a bit of how’s your father in the Afghan mountains, especially as a means of ascertaining that ones balls have not been blown away during the course of the working day. The propagated squaddie is to be flown home, but mindful of the trollop’s human rights, a team of nurses will be flown out to tend to her needs at god knows what cost while troops are forced to buy items of their equipment in order to save the Ministry of Defence money. By the way, it has been announced that women about to be deployed on the front line will not be tested for pregnancy as this would infringe on their human rights, one can only assume that should we ever be attacked, the invaders will be met by regiments of expectant female soldiers chucking unused pregnancy testing kits at them, the men will be reduced to making the tea and the government will be on a plane to a safe bolt hole, leaving the rest of us to get it in the neck. In the meantime, back to Bastion, where the troops are bonking for Britain, their balls bouncing around like ricocheting bullets, when Adam Delved and Eve span, who was then the rifle man? The problem here is that the randy bastards will be so busy screwing each other that they will not have noticed that the Yanks will have screwed the entire British army and by decamping home and leaving them in the lurch. The moral of this tale is this, we have spent countless billions, lost hundreds of lives, and what did we get out of it? A pile of shitty nappies.